god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
