you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
id be glad to
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
two words: eviction party
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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