On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
