I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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