I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
