You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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