when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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