Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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