when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
