Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
