hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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