We're facebook friends in real life
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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