You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it glows. i had to have it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
