dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You took a bar mat shot.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
