just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
