at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm passing your future prison.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
