What did we do last night that was yellow?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
