I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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