I could have mohawked her pubes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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