Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
