It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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