my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am one with the molecules
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
