i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
