So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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