If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
they're like a gay fantastic four
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
