This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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