U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
barbara walters just said penis...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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