yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Green mimosas i think yes
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
