Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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