The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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