i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
