btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
