He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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