Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
