Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
