Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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