My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also, beer. Big fan.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
