She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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