I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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