just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
