Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
