i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
