I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
