my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
