Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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