You smell like a Billy Joel song
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
