I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
