a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
