I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
