As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
