dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
