i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
